1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
