Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
