Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
