Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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