My Higher Power is John Stamos
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
