Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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