I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
