you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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