better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
