..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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