I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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