This dress was meant to end up on your floor
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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