Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
