You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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