Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
