it was like his penis was on wheels.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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