if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i think i just lost a toe
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
