He had one of those small greek statue penises
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need to sanitize my soul.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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