last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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