Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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