your room smells of hookers.
And success
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
