How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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