Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
