peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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