i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you never un-have a 4some
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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