party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't put those talents on a resume
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
