Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
