I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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