Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
