do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
