I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
