i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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