if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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