Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
