Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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