dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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