The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
When did angry sex become our thing?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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