When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
