When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
