I want to stick my p in your. b.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm like, not good at living.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
