where am i from again
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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