my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
