It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
