i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
