We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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