There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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