Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
