Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
