I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
