He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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