No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
